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Getting engaged brings your private relationship on to public stage, and begins a series of new demands and responsibilities that you will have to be prepared for. While your head may be in the clouds, your feet will need to be placed firmly on the ground. Being engaged is a time when the man and the woman begin to think and plan together as one, and to establish firm personal foundations for a happy future.
The Engagement Ring
The engagement ring is a time-honoured tradition, but it is not essential. No particular gem stone is more correct than another. Diamonds, or a single diamond ring, is the most popular choice, as the diamond was considered to be the most enduring stone. But semi-precious stones will also signify an enduring affection.
The traditional jewelled ring in precious metal which celebrates betrothal is placed by him on the third finger of her left hand, while she may place the customary plain gold or semi-precious signet ring on either the third or fourth finger of his left hand. The ring traditionally signifies that the girl's affections are engaged, and so protects her from unwelcome advances of other suitors. (For a separate discussion of the traditions surrounding the engagement ring, and what to look for when purchasing yours, see the section on Engagement and Wedding Rings.
Telling the Good News
- Be sure to tell the right people first, starting with the immediate families on both sides.
- Next come close relatives, then more distant relatives, and close friends.
- After that, the choice is open.
- You may wish to place a simple announcement in a local or national newspaper, for the benefit of the wider world.
By following this sequence nobody will hear the news from the wrong source, however strong the temptation to run out and tell the first person you meet.
Newspaper announcements
If required, newspaper announcements are usually placed by the Bride's mother, beginning:
Mr. & Mrs. . . . . . . . . . . . . .
of (Address) . . . . . . . . . . . .
are pleased (or happy) to announce
the engagement of their daughter
(Christian Name) . . . . . . . . . . . .
to (His Name) . . . . . . . . . .
(Eldest/Second/Only) son of
Mr. & Mrs. (Name) of . . . . . . . . . .
(Address) . . . . . . . . . . . .
Where you yourselves place the advertisement together on your own account the form is:-
The Engagement is announced between
(his name) . . . . . . . . . . . .
son of Mr. & Mrs. . . . . . . . . . . . .
of (address) . . . . . . . . . . . .
and (her Christian name) . . . . . . . . . . . .
daughter of Mr. and Mrs. . . . . . . . . . . . .
of (address) . . . . . . . . . . . .
The Engagement Party
A large or small party for friends is appropriate about this time too, not merely to formally announce the engagement, but to help everyone, including yourselves, to start adjusting to your new status. The engagement party can be thrown by either set of parents, or by a relative or friend.
The engagement party may take the form of
- a cocktail party
- a buffet lunch
- a private party with drinks and disco (or live music)
- or night out for all concerned.
Although an engagement party is a casual affair, it may be necessary to organise it properly and to be prepared to make a small speech to thank those who have helped and to accept their good wishes.
The Bachelor ('Stag') Party
This infamous traditional celebration among males is a form of controlled chaos, a last letting off of bachelor steam before married life begins. It is thrown open to married and unmarried friends alike, and is not unlike a traditional wake, where adolescent pangs are drowned once and for all. It is wise for all females to keep their distance.
It often begins with an informal dinner, and from there advances to a pub, a club, or a hired room. With the arrival of tighter drinking laws, it's wise to book rooms in a hotel to avoid trouble. Some like to hire a private band or disco. The singing telegram is now almost obligatory. A sing-song is probably welcomed, if not unavoidable. A few traditional speeches, including toasts to by-gone girlfriends, advice from married friends, etc., may be called for. Try not to hold the stag night too close to the wedding day. . .
Hen Parties
This girlie get-together, away from all males, takes many different forms. It includes sisters, bridesmaids and friends. The American equivalent is the 'Shower'. This is a party given by the bridesmaid, where small practical gifts are given, i.e., cooking utensils, flower pots, cushions, lamps, etc. Not a bad idea! After that, anything goes. . .
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